A Rushing Rhythm

Everyday seems to have the same routine lately. A monotonous rhythm of responsibility and errands with no end in sight. From my waking hour to the moment I close my eyes is a carefully choreographed dance.

I’ve never been graceful or particularly attuned to anything that required balance or thoughtful timing to my dismay. This makes following even the best laid plans more complicated than you’d think.

My lack of finesse creates delays and thus a need to rush thus more delays. It’s a vicious circle. I carefully strategize. I blunder. I stand. I rush on slightly behind plan. Strategize. Blunder. Stand. Rush. Even more behind than before. Each blunder stacking on the last. By the end of the day I have had to push off at least two tasks with my pride just as bruised as my metaphorical body.

Plans are only as strong as the person meant to execute them. I believe I am strong and witty and resourceful. I am human and have weaknesses to supplement my strengths. I’m not graceful or timely. Oddly enough, despite the monotony of the plot lines, no two days go the same.

The rushing pattern creates an infinite loop of stress and worry. Learning how to go with the flow and take my time is no small feat. Calming myself and moving gently through the day takes dedication, self compassion, and a lot of positive reminders. Fear fuels this cycle.

Fear that if I abandon my delicately laid approach I will fail ultimately. Fear that I will forget something important. Fear that I’ll let someone down, let myself down.

Balance is the opponent of fear. A flexible plan that can adapt and account for my inevitable staggers is the answer. A more gentle, forgiving tactic with room for revisions as I go.

I’m ready. Ready to stop rushing. Ready to enjoy the scenery along the detours. Ready to accept that every minute doesn’t need a plan and every second doesn’t have to go as expected.

It’s time to breathe.

Everyday won’t be a varying monotony and I won’t rush through covered in stress and chaos. I won’t succeed right away but when better to try than today?

-Via Daily Post: Rush

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